The effect of reinforcing is to strengthen while the effect of influence is to change.

January 1, 2011, I received this comment from a blogger friend. “You have influenced Sam in a lot of ways.” He said. I am not sure if that is good or bad but assuming that we were talking about the relationship of Sam, I somehow took it as bad. Not only once that I heard this from him so I think I need to rebut his statement.

Four years of blogging and sharing my thoughts online about sex and love might have impacted my readers’ opinion. However, my intention is never to influence other’s thoughts but to give my personal insights of the experiences I had. I admit that I have a very unconventional approach to relationships but I never rejected others’ views because I firmly believe that there is no template to a perfect or even a good relationship. Each one of us has our own set of values and principles that stand as our framework and we just have to adjust it with our partners’.

“Sam has his own mind. He is a matured person who has his own set of principles and it is very difficult to influence an already established mind.” I told my blogger friend. “But your ideas reinforced his.” He insisted. Come to think of it, he could be right, but “reinforce” is different from “influence”. The effect of reinforcing is to strengthen while the effect of influence is to change.

All of us have dormant ideas waiting for unleashing. They are dormant because we are afraid that we are alone fighting for these ideas or beliefs. We are afraid that we might not get accepted. Somewhere out there however, at the recesses of our minds, we also or want to believe that we are not alone, that someday, we could express what we truly think and feel. We only need a spark, an inspiration, to ignite the flame of courage. Perhaps I did not really influence Sam. I just inspire him.